I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
