You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Randomize
