Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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