So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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