I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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