im gay
i know
yea but for you.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
