is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
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