he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize