omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
