I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Randomize
