I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
