Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
