Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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