i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize