I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
