I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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