I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
