I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
