Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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