My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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