last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
