PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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