When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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