so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
