theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
