Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize