omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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