Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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