Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
