She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
