Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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