we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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