Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
