If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
