everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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