When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You have to summon your inner elephant
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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