i already hear my dad disowning me
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
