that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
