Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize