You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
