i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
