another moral hangover. fuck.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
