That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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