Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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