i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
