The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I did not marry a roomba.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
