Apparently you make a good broom.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
