I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
