It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize