I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
