just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
