I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
