I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
But break dance skills will only take you so far
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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