I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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