peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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