Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
