Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
