Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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