I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
There was a lot of him and a little penis
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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