I'm jealous of your bromance
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
