She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
