Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Did I show you my penis last night?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize