I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
