Someone shit on the floor
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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