shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
