how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
