Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
