i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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