Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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