Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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