Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
