i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
