You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
