Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
