I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
you had me at cake vodka
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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