if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
