Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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